Episode 1. Choosing Your Soul Mate
There are many, many people in this world who are desperately looking for their soul mate and some, sadly, in that desperation choose the very first person they meet. If you’re in that place …
There are many, many people in this world who are desperately looking for their soul mate and some, sadly, in that desperation choose the very first person they meet. If you’re in that place let me say this to you, there’s only one thing worse than not being married and that is being married to the wrong person.
Marriage is one of those funny social institutions that’s gone through so much change over the years. At some points in history, even in some cultures today, not being married was a great source of shame and in other places and times it’s considered old hat. I mean in many Western cultures marriage rates are plummeting something that I find incredibly sad as societies go through so much change.
But marriage, it’s not really a social institution is it? It’s a deeply personal, intimate relationship; it’s about connecting with our soul mate for life. It’s joyful, it’s painful, it’s wonderful and sometimes sadly it’s disastrous. Marriage isn’t for everyone. It’s a perfectly valid thing to do to remain single or to be widowed but I believe for the most part marriage is part of Gods plan for most people and if it is part of His plan it should be sensational right?
So how do we have a stunning, sensational marriage, the sort of marriage God intended for us to have? That’s what we’ve been talking about these past few weeks on the program. People come at marriage from all sorts of different angles these days. Living together as partners, same sex relationships, divorces, these are the directions that many people are choosing as so-called lifestyle options.
Some marriages sadly are detente, really a cold war, a living hell. Many choose not to marry and in almost half that do marry in Western cultures at least end up divorced. Interestingly in India where many marriages are arranged the divorce rate is just 1.4%.
Anyhow, this week we’re going to take another look at marriage from a different perspective. Now for me I don’t think you need a PhD in biology or psychology to figure out that men and women were made to go together yet it’s sad that so many people reject the notion of marriage, the notion of a permanent, unbreakable bond between a husband and a wife.
Of course divorce happens, it’s tragic, it’s painful and it’s something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy right? But I have to tell you that I’m the most wonderfully, happily married man and my wife Jacqui and I have a great marriage. Now okay some days are tough, that’s the reality of marriage but for us it’s a deeply satisfying relationship.
There’s something about faithfulness, about permanence, about intimacy, about exclusivity in the marriage relationship that makes it just the most fantastic thing. You know I wouldn’t swap my wife Jacqui for all the wealth in the world, she’s mine and I’m hers and that’s the way it’s meant to be.
And in that special relationship as husband and wife that Jacqui and I have, well no one else can participate in that. Yeah okay we have children, we have friends, we have other family but you know what I mean, it’s an exclusive relationship, a bond between one man and one woman that nobody else is involved in.
So we’ve decided to approach this beautiful relationship from God’s perspective and this week I’d like to share some of that with you because I believe when we put Him at the centre of our marriage that’s when we truly get blessed in the marriage relationship.
But back when I was looking for a wife, when I was lonely and I yearned for a marriage that would be a blessing I had some tough decisions to make and something that a great speaker, Chuck Swindoll said when I was right in the middle of that process of looking for a wife to spend the rest of my life with, this is what he said:
The only thing worse than not being married is being married to the wrong person.
Let me say that again because if you’re out there looking for someone or you have a son or a daughter or someone who’s dear to you who’s looking for a husband or a wife this needs to sink in.
The only thing worse than not being married is being married to the wrong person.
The Apostle Paul in the Bible, 2 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 14 puts it this way:
Don’t be unequally yoked.
The picture of a yoke is a really good one because when God brings a man and a woman together in marriage they become literally one flesh; they become part of one another. Yes they’re still individuals but there is a permanent, unbreakable bond and relationship there.
It’s as though they were yoked together; and the picture of a yoke is – two oxen pulling a cart or pulling something heavy behind them and they’re joined together by this wooden yoke. They can’t walk separately; they can’t walk in different directions because they’re yoked together.
Imagine if you will a picture of being unequally yoked, of being yoked with someone who doesn’t want to go in the same direction as you, that isn’t the same height as you, that doesn’t have the same strength as you, that doesn’t have the same motivation as you, the same hopes and dreams as you, the same beliefs as you.
Being unequally yoked is what Chuck Swindoll was talking about when he said:
The only thing worse than not being married is being married to the wrong person.
That’s why choosing a husband or a wife is so important. Now they say opposites attract and that’s true, often a gentle emotional woman will marry a strong man who’s a leader. Often someone who is more of a thinker, a brain person, a detail person will marry someone who’s more of a big picture, strategic kind of person and that’s fine, that’s natural but what direction do the two of you want to head in life?
What are your ambitions? What are the things that are really important to you? What do you want to achieve? They’re important questions and they’re vital in choosing a marriage partner.
I mentioned earlier in India for instance and in other cultures too, many marriages are still arranged and yet in a country of over a billion people there’s a divorce rate of only just a bit over 1% as opposed to my country where it’s heading towards 50%.
Of course there are different cultural expectations and yet the really wise thing that happens there is the children involve their parents in the soul-mate selection. It’s something we Westerners could learn from. I spoke to an Indian friend of mine and he said, “well no one forced me to marry my wife, of course not but my parents and my brothers love me, they know me, why wouldn’t I involve them in choosing my life-long soul-mate.”
How different is that to just marrying the first person that comes along? Now maybe it sounds old fashioned and inappropriate in this day and age to say but if you’re a Christian you shouldn’t marry someone who isn’t. I can hear someone say, “oh come on, you must be kidding me” but to me this is really great godly wisdom.
Come on, if I have this desire to put Jesus first in my life, I’m passionate about Him, if I believe He’s calling me to ministry which actually He was, how could I have married someone who didn’t share that vision, who didn’t share that faith, who didn’t share that burning desire for Jesus Christ? We’d have been unequally yoked.
Listen again to what the Apostle Paul says and again if you’re someone who loves Jesus and you’re out there looking for a wife or a husband take Gods Word to heart here. Paul says:
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers for what do righteousness and wickedness have in common or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Those who are unequally yoked will tell you that they regret their choice. Now maybe you did that, maybe you made the wrong choice, maybe you came to faith after you were married and your wife or your husband hasn’t yet come to faith and if that’s you I pray that you will know that Jesus is with you in the middle of that.
There’s enormous power in your prayer for your soul-mate but I know that if you’re at the point of making your decision or you know someone who is, have that picture of that yoke in your head and in your heart, seriously, because it will make a lifetime of difference. Remember the only thing worse than not being married is being married to the wrong person.
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